Just One Look Forum Archives
I suspect that everyone in this forum has tried to share the act of just one look with at least one other person. When you did, it may have been well received or not; you may have felt it was worthwhile to share this again or you may have been discouraged by the response. (At other times, you may have had no idea how it was received.) Perhaps you saw an opening when look at yourself came to mind but you couldn't manage to speak about it.
I think it would be helpful to all of us if we shared our attempts (or lack of attempts). We can learn from each other.
I, personally, gave a speech about the looking to my Toastmaster's group (a captive audience of about 20 people.) It was extremely well received as a "speech." I have no idea if anyone followed my directions during the speech or tried it again after that day or was interested in following up with the website. I also include the process sometimes while leading a meditation. So basically, I find it easier to teach the process to a group (without any preliminary commentary).
Other than my husband and one of my sons, I have not mentioned it outside these venues, even when I have had the impulse to. I feel shy in bringing it up. I have some misguided idea that I am saying, "I know what your need." and it will be discounted as another gimmick before they even try it. What I feel I need is some openings (like the massage therapist who mentioned her mother looking in the mirror and not feeling as old as she looks; we have all had that experience).
What about you? What have been your experiences or your fears about sharing Justonelook. It would be very helpful to me. Lera
It's an interesting question.
I have a website where I've been writing for a few years so that's a natural outlet for me to talk about this. I go to a forum; it's a spiritual forum so now I feel like an alien there, but I have been going there for a while so I talk about the fear and looking there. And in person, I talk about it only when asked, only when conversation turns to this kind of thing, which seems to be happening more and more.
I have trouble with expressing it. It's a skill I think. I'm learning to say less. Just gently putting forth the suggestion of the context of fear, and the looking.
In my practice as a lawyer, I'm almost always drawn into problem solving. A common expression I use goes something like, "Well, you're here aren't you?" seeking to bring the person here, out of their head (or misery). That's as far as it goes with trying to educate others about the tremendous value I have found with John's teaching. My guess is that more people will turn inward instead of looking for answers outside themselves, and that it's just a matter of time before I will be able to effectively communicate with like-minded people in my relatively remote and sheltered area (northeastern North Carolina). It may be that I will get as aggressive as Lera Jane (and I mean that in a kind way), but for now I'm content in basking in what I see as a great secret. trimpi
I have been thinking of this, lerajane.
For some people I meet as a health worker,it works to pose it as a therapeutic measure. For giving relief when things are not so great. it does help they say. At least it gets them looking. I don't promise them that the bad feeling will go away at the moment, but I say instead of focusing on the bad feeling maybe you can look at what never changes, which is you.
For others who seem to be miserable, but wont accept that they are, a good question to ask is are you completely satisfied with your life, are you truly contented with it? If not, then this looking can help.
Because it seems, thats what the looking gives you in the end. It doesn'r remove problems or challenges or all stupidities even... it just removes the thing that makes all those unsatisfying.
If the looking with intent once is truly effective, then ofcourse they will look again. So I don't say they MUST look everyday, I say, whenever it strikes you, look! I don't know if that really works for everyone. A couple of my friends did this but apparently they havent found themselves doing it again. So...
I also started to teach the 7-10 yr old children in my locality to do the looking. They seem to find it much easier than adults. And they report to me, that they have been looking from time to time. It can't do any harm, so I pose it to them as an experiment that they can do whenever it occurs to them, especially in times they don't feel ok. They like the idea.
People already engaged in spiritual practice, don't seem to much like this technique. They say it is too simple!
It has been my experience that the development of constant aware attention is of great use in forwarding your intent to share about looking at yourself. I have found that the intention to be attentive to my life so that I notice thoughts as much as possible, and I notice life as it appears has me consistently attuned to my experience in such a way that opportunities to bring the idea of looking at yourself show up naturally, and that I simply mention the idea, especially when people around me are complaining about their life, which is common, or when people are in the middle of some kind of suffering. I have found that getting into elaboration about it is not useful, but rather to simply slip them the justonelook.org website on a card or write it down and slip it to them and say something like, you might consider giving this a try, it worked for me. The less said the better. This kind of leaves people curious and if they are looking for solutions in their life (who isn't) they may follow up.
One thing is certain that which you constantly attend to is energized and shows up in your field of experience consistently.
I have also found through many experiences talking at length with people about looking at yourself that "the less said the better".
There have been exceptions where ongoing conversations with friends have eventually resulted in someone trying the looking for themselves but I can see that generally casual conversations go in the circles we are accustomed to.
I agree with David P that leaving people feeling curious seems to be an effective way to present this. I have designed myself a little half page brochure which has a very simply worded description of looking at yourself presented in a graphically interesting way. Even when I have presented it to friends to get some feedback on the design they often ask "can I keep this?"
I feel shy in bringing it up. I have some misguided idea that I am saying, "I know what your need." and it will be discounted as another gimmick before they even try it.
I don't find explaining the looking to be very hard. When you talk to someone, they're there, even if it's over the phone or some kind of instant messaging. The way I explain it is very similar to how John explains it, and I also use the childhood memory exercise a lot which I find very helpful in getting someone's attention to their selves fast and without clutter. The hardest part for me is to get the idea across that one the one hand you have life which can be overwhelmingly complex and contradictory and painful and enjoyable and messy, and on the other hand there's this 'little exercise' that will make it all get better all by itself, as long as you try it. I've been trying to figure out how to bridge that gap ever since I learned of the looking, and sometimes the transition happens very smoothly, at other times there's great resistance in making the leap from worldly and/or emotional mayhem to just look. But if it's smooth, I've been able to make some people look at themselves, the common factor being the right mood which seems to be 'being fed up with life'. You can't force feed this apparently--I've had long discussions about it which led nowhere in the short term (maybe they did dislodge something that might manifest later on?), and I've been shut down immediately as well, where the conversation just flows away from it on its own terms, either because the idea has nothing to latch on to, or because it's defying the importance of the problem someone has. Kind of like trying to pet a stray cat - that's only going to happen if the cat will allow it.
Hope this makes sense.
What a wealth of suggestions. Thank all of you for responding. (Let's keep this open and respond as other ideas and suggestions come up.)
I found these ideas particularly helpful because I can imagine myself using or saying these at the appropriate moment:
Karmarider: The idea of less is more.
Trimpi: Well, you're here, aren't you'
Aabha: Instead of focusing on the bad feelings, maybe you can look at what never changes, which is you.' and 'Are you completely satisfied with your life' Are you truly contented with it' If not, then this looking can help.' (I imagine talking to my 11 year old niece and explaining the 'experiment.' for when she doesn't feel ok.)
Dparrish: You might consider giving this a try; it worked for me. Plus aware attention, developing curiosity and giving a card.
David A: Having a half page brochure to share. (David, would you feel comfortable sharing your description with us')
Wouter: A reminder to focus on the giving of the suggestion; not on the reception of it. Kind of like trying to pet a stray cat - that's only going to happen if the cat will allow it
Here is the text I used on my half page flyer design.
Try to look at you
Notice that you can move your attention from one thing to another.
From an object in front of you to a thought, to a sensation in your body and so on.
Now try to move your attention to you.
Not the thoughts and sensations etc.
The experience you call "me".
See what happens.
Try as often as it occurs to you.
I would be interested to hear any feedback from the group and suggestions about the wording if you have any. I will be glad to email a copy of my flyer to anyone interested. Leave me a private message and I'll send it.
The flyer also features an "unofficial" logo that I have been working on. (I hope to create a version to match the official brand soon) I'd be interested to hear any comments from other lookers about the image as well. Visual images just like speech can also be preloaded with meanings and understandings and I have really enjoyed the challenge of trying to create an icon which ignites curiosity and suggests the act of looking in some way.
I'm also collecting a list of intriguing comments or phrases from the discussions here and in the online meetings that might be used as copy on a t-shirt, billboard, flyer etc.
Here's an example. "AN UNPRECEDENTED DISCOVERY OF A TOOL THAT A HUMAN BEING CAN USE TO RID THEMSELVES OF THE UNDERLYING CAUSE OF ALL PSYCHOLOGICAL SUFFERING." Not sure where that came from but it's in my notes.
It's wonderful to participate in this experiment.
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