Just One Look Forum Archives
Recovery and Rehabilitation
Just being honest here, but I did "the looking" intensively back in April, and as John says, my "recovery" is as bad as predicted. I wish I could say I've done the self directed attention regularly, but somehow I can't seem to do it in a disciplined way. I recently attended a 10 day silent retreat in a "spiritual setting" and did self-directed attention regularly during that time, and afterwards, everything was so lovely. But since I've been back, can't manage to make it happen. Now I'm back in the usual darkness. Well, just checking in. Namaste, y'all.
hello delmogazi , i try and do 10 minutes or so every morning and whenever i can during the day. It is difficult especially when my inner dialogue and feelings draw me somewhere unconsciously i don't want to go.I have found that after i have concentrated on my breathing i expand my attention to the sounds around me and find it a lot easier than concentrating solely on my breathe and it feels a lot more natural as my attention is focused outward and expansive but my mind remains still. My mind keeps drawing me to pointless debates and opinions but slowly i am spotting them as they occur and it's such a revelation knowing i can divert my attention away from all these idiotic ,pointless thoughts. keep trying as best you can that's all you we can do.
I just wanted to say thanks for your honesty. I don't know that I have anything especially helpful to say, all I have to share is my own experience. I had a VERY long and difficult recovery period after I first did the looking. For years and years I didn't feel like I was getting any better at all; I first did the looking before John started talking about self-directed attention, and for me this has been the missing link. As soon as I started doing the 10 minute structured self-directed attention exercise on a daily basis (this was some time in July), I started to experience some of the changes that John and others talk about. Since then, I have experienced a lot of frustration and doubt along the lines of "If I'm really getting better, how come I still have so much anxiety about my job? If this exercise is really working, then how come I still get so wrapped up in XYZ?" Even so, at the same time I've also had the sense that even if a certain pattern of anxiety is still present, other negative patterns are definitely falling away. I have days, even weeks, when I feel like I'm in a full-blown mental/emotional relapse and just as unwell as I ever was before practicing self-directed attention, but if I really look at what's actually going on I can see that even when I get swept up in some emotional drama it passes a lot more quickly than it would have before. Hang in there.
Thank you teacup and moonmonkey. For the first time in ages I feel some relief. I can't explain it, but the usual things aren't bothering me lately. I hope it's a good sign.
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