Just One Look Forum Archives
Using the Just One Look Method
Greetings to this wonderful community.
Looking at me has brought me to the full awareness that I am. My history in this looking has taken place over the last 4 years. The effects have been latent in occurring but have materialized recently in experiencing glimpses of just me and with it a sense of security and well being with a nothing special quality to it, It's just me as I am. I am fully convinced. With in weeks a horribly difficult circumstance appeared with in my family. This situation hurts me to the core and leaves me with a sense of needing to do something and I can't. Unlike the looking at me, this does seems to be special.
Shifting the focus of my attention to some other place like my breathing rather than on the situation helps but has not fixed anything and I wouldn''t expect it to but It is good to know that it's possible to practice this shifting.
My pain is enormous. The Looking at me, and the attributes of that looking, I see to be equally enormous. Are These two contextual experiences equal? They are both happening here in this context of me. It is not just the pain of this family situation its also the feeling of being split between what is unacceptable to me and the extraordinariness and wonder of what is me and its just too much today.
First of all, let me say that I am not in your place. I am trying to be useful to you, but I cannot put myself in your place completely and cannot understand how you feel fully.
This is what I can say and, again, I hope you find it useful somehow. The pain is a part of it. Excruciating pain, fear, loss, death, lack of ability to cope with things, these experiences are all part of it. They are all part of life. That's not to say that it's up to you to hold it all in your embrace without any resistance or impact. If it hurts, it hurts. If it's too much, it's too much. If it's overwhelming, it's overwhelming. If it comes to you that you can do something about it, you will. And if there's nothing to be done at all, nothing will be done. The miracle of being you is that nothing is excluded. Not even what is hugely painful. Nothing is resisted, nothing is thrown out. You can hold everything, even the experience of not being able to hold things. Now some situations are so powerful, so intense, that they can put kind of a veil between us and ourselves. It's a temporary thing. No matter what happens, you will always find yourself again, when things settle down or even before that. You are always here, never absent and you know that well. The rest is just life living itself. I hope this is useful to you.
I think i can relate to what you say. I had a similar experience just recently that i even spoke of in the forums. That phase has passed and i learned that within it, though there was a great deal of anxiety and wanting to fix things, old patterns. But somehow it was easier to practice the things that people prescribe for such phases. Like surrender, trusting life, allowing, acceptance, non resistance, etc. I found that if the thought came to do something that might help, it was much much easier to do and much more effective. Before the looking, whatever I was told to do to embrace the situation etc was impossible to do. I also used things I had learned before to ease the feelings in my body like EFT. I felt it is actually possible to do all those things now. Now, the prescriptions do seem to work. Much more effectively now that the essential fear of life stuff has gone. Also somewhere in the background, there was the sense of me, that could always be referred to.
I dont know if Im communicating this properly. But maybe this will help you think of something you can do to ease the situation to some extent. Of course, as long as it needs to be there, the pain will be the pain, the turmoil will be the turmoil, all of that will be there. Another thing I can think of to do, is get really clear about the situation to your self. That somehow, seems to clear it in other ways too.
I have been through some dreadful times. Marriage break-up, possible financial collapse. But here's the thing and there's no getting around it. I am HERE. YOU are here. That's your reality. Whether tomorrow or 2 weeks from now. And it's what Looking at you is. But the YOU is here right now. And that you can always look at or try and get a touch of. Just YOU. Go back to that. As often as it occurs to you. And see what happens.
The truth is people are torn. They should go one way yet they feel something intensely pulling them the other way. Society, parents, school teach one thing while our hearts, souls say another. If you do the looking you'll see more clearly which way to go and you may not even have to decide. The other choice will just seem irrelevant. So the torn-ness will be gone. The whole idea that I have to choose between this or that, right or wrong will go. The torn-ness is part of the disease that creates a conflict. Once that is gone there is nothing to decide.
I encourage you to stay with the looking and my guess is you will notice that, over time, your responses to life's challenges starts to become less conflicted. There are some very challenging situations in my family. For me, these are the most loaded. They can trigger huge emotions in me. Prior to the looking, my responses were highly constrained by fear. While I knew how I felt, I couldn't bring myself to communicate those feelings and opinions directly in a clean , clear manner. Of course it is still part of who I am, I have noticed, however, that it is becoming easier to speak my truth. There also seems to be less emotional charge to my comments and responses so family members are more likely to respond to the content of my words rather than the huge emotion that was lurking behind the words in the past.. I am by no means home-free on this one. It is a work in progress but the looking, over time, has made a huge difference in not feeling "on the line" in these situations. I wish you well with all of this. It is not easy. There is something about family dynamics that seems to bring up "primal" kinds of feelings and responses. Maybe the best thing we can do is what you are doing. Just doing one"s best and trying to take responsibility for ourselves and our own linitations and the looking certainly helps with that.
I've been with this work and community for about four years now and I really see more and more similarities amongst us within the recovery period. I too struggled with what seemed unacceptable to me and it took some time and patience to realize even what seemed to me like the truth was sometimes masking another layer of fear and judgment. Like you Paul, I am more able to articulate simply and clearly with more self-reliance rather than be overcome by huge emotions and the strong urge to escape. Over time my life with friends and family flows easier, like the white paper metaphor I am just here, the background, and at some point I notice certain thoughts, situations which gave me a lot of grief just aren't there anymore. In these moments I absolutely marvel at this work. I know results like this do motivate us to support the foundation in any way we can and I really thank everyone who feels they can contribute financially etc. to help get the word out and help this community grow. We can be of enormous support for each other.
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