Just One Look Forum Archives

Well it's been a little less than a year since I started with this inward looking. Like a headache that goes away so gradually, it's tough to appreciate; I have seen this looking have an effect and yet I am unable to fully appreciate how far I have come. As my title says, going sane is taking so long I'm going insane. At least, that's the subjective experience. The reality is, this is actually helping, but HOLY S***! I really wish there was some way to speed this process up. I have certain unhealthy fears and avoidance patterns that I was certain would be gone by now, but they are just as strong as ever. I think my grasping for a future state where all my problems are solved is perpetuating the very anxiety I am trying to resolve (oooh... poetic!).

I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice, sympathy, or strategies. Maybe just a way to speed this up? Is there a way?

Take the medicine and be cool. That's the best advice I could give. It has been said that when you try to get rid of annoying patterns that they will persist (you get what you resist), and that's probably true, but I wouldn't pay much attention to that since you're going to do as you do regardless. I bet it won't be long before you start enjoying the show, but don't count on your mind and understanding for that to happen. By the way, I don't think this is about ridding yourself of life's problems; it's more like eliminating misery and suffering. Your so-called problems are going to come and go like everything else cropping up in your life, including your impatience and the desire to be done with the undesirable tendencies. trimpi

Franco, Thank you for reporting what appears to be a common experience for many after doing the act of looking. I have had the same thoughts, and at times these thoughts re-occur, but now when they do I see them in short order for what they are.....just thoughts that bubble up in the soup that is now simmering and will boil down to the pure and direct experience of life as it is, without the desire for it to change. I have found it to be useful to be attentive to these thoughts and when they are not useful and perpetuate the context of fear that has us talk of wanting it to end, just turn attention to the breathe. The breathe is not only a neutral location to rest attention, it is a very direct connection to life with its movement in and out, rising and falling, with a balance of in and out, just like the natural experience of life that comes as the looking does it work. I have found it to be accurate when John says that as the fear of life departs we have direct contact with our experience unmitigated by the distance we had from life when fear had us hold back and away, living in concepts. This direct experience can appear as an increase of intensity of the anxiety, depression, frustration, and despair that have not yet calmed down and mixed with the fullness of life.

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Love.

David