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Recovery period and confusion

Hi there. I came upon John Sherman's message few days ago, and I suddenly got the feeling, that this might be it. I would like to clarify some things.

I'm a long-time seeker. It has been always clear to me, that this underlying feeling of "something wrong with the world", and that yearning to do something about it/resolve it, was the main cause of my suffering (and, as I've realized some time ago, of most of the humanity). Over the years I've picked up many spiritual and esoteric teachings, and none of that stuff worked. But something happened 2 years ago - suddenly, out of the blue, while not doing anything special, a great fear came. It came, expressed itself, and was gone. And it's coming every day - deeper and deeper layers of this psychological, non-sense structure are collapsing. Before that I've been avoiding this fear and covering it, by building some identities, and trying many other things. As I realize now, I've been doing this exercise - of looking at myself - many times before that collapse.

Now, what confuses me, are the symptoms of that recovery:

- More and more fear and pain "coming up" - up to a point when it's relatively hard to function.

- Weaker health and weight loss

- Fear of death

Is this normal during the recovery? Are there any methods that could help me to minimize those effects? Isn't releasing too much fear dangerous to life?

Thank you for you help, and excuse my English, since it's not my native language.

symptoms

Irminsul

Hi there. I came upon John Sherman's message few days ago, and I suddenly got the feeling, that this might be it. I would like to clarify some things.

I'm a long-time seeker. It has been always clear to me, that this underlying feeling of "something wrong with the world", and that yearning to do something about it/resolve it, was the main cause of my suffering (and, as I've realized some time ago, of most of the humanity). Over the years I've picked up many spiritual and esoteric teachings, and none of that stuff worked. But something happened 2 years ago - suddenly, out of the blue, while not doing anything special, a great fear came. It came, expressed itself, and was gone. And it's coming every day - deeper and deeper layers of this psychological, non-sense structure are collapsing. Before that I've been avoiding this fear and covering it, by building some identities, and trying many other things. As I realize now, I've been doing this exercise - of looking at myself - many times before that collapse.

Now, what confuses me, are the symptoms of that recovery:

- More and more fear and pain "coming up" - up to a point when it's relatively hard to function.

- Weaker health and weight loss

- Fear of death

Is this normal during the recovery? Are there any methods that could help me to minimize those effects? Isn't releasing too much fear dangerous to life?

Thank you for you help, and excuse my English, since it's not my native language.

Hello Irminsul,

Thank you for reporting your experience so that others can benefit and not feel alone with their process. I have noticed in others reports that many people after having done the looking ask about physical experiences, an increase in fear, health concerns, and fear of death. During the period of following the looking I experienced all of these things for various periods of time. At first there was some confusion and concern, however as the cloak of fear dissolved I noticed that I just let these things appear and noticed that they departed . Some times after a period of repeated appearances. As I paid more attention to the thoughts, feelings, and sensations, and moved my attention off these aspects of my experience and onto other things like music, the view of a nice morning on my deck, playing with my dogs, or just tuning into my breath, they lost significance, and gradually stopped coming up. It appears obvious to me that there were changes occurring, however not as anything unusual but rather just what was the array of life occurring, only with more intensity. I notice that I was becoming more interested in the ever changing arising of life, than the ideas, thoughts, concepts, that showed up, that I had been totally occupied with previously. This is not to say that if I noticed anything going on with my body that might be an indication of a need for medical attention that I did not get it checked out...and if I needed to sleep, I slept. If I needed to take medication, I took it. As for the fear of death....early on this came up a lot, then over time it seemed to not be much of a concern. At the same time I noticed I was doing things in life that I had held back from doing previously because of anxiety, and saying things that I was afraid to say in the past because I felt at risk. It occurred to me at some point that his fear of death was actually a fear of life, after all the fear of death was a fear of what I considered the worst thing that could happen to me, part of the fear of life in the sense that my holding back in life was also a fear of what could happen to me. And now I am not aware of a fear of death of life most of the time, and when it rarely pops up, it doesn't have much reality and does not linger. Also, this identity that seemed so "real" in the past and important appears to be just a vehicle to navigate in life, one that adjusts to what shows up as appropriate to the situations I encounter.

It sounds to me like the looking is doing its work in your case. I suggest you pay close attention to the ways what arises show up i.e. thought forms, feeling states, and sensations and notice that that is all they are, and redirect your attention away from whatever of these forms appear to be irrelevant or of no use and stay in the ongoing conversations with John and the community involved in this movement toward sanity and being fully alive and in touch with life, and it will all work out in the end.

Love.

David

Dparrish

Hello Irminsul,

Thank you for reporting your experience so that others can benefit and not feel alone with their process. I have noticed in others reports that many people after having done the looking ask about physical experiences, an increase in fear, health concerns, and fear of death. During the period of following the looking I experienced all of these things for various periods of time. At first there was some confusion and concern, however as the cloak of fear dissolved I noticed that I just let these things appear and noticed that they departed . Some times after a period of repeated appearances. As I paid more attention to the thoughts, feelings, and sensations, and moved my attention off these aspects of my experience and onto other things like music, the view of a nice morning on my deck, playing with my dogs, or just tuning into my breath, they lost significance, and gradually stopped coming up. It appears obvious to me that there were changes occurring, however not as anything unusual but rather just what was the array of life occurring, only with more intensity. I notice that I was becoming more interested in the ever changing arising of life, than the ideas, thoughts, concepts, that showed up, that I had been totally occupied with previously. This is not to say that if I noticed anything going on with my body that might be an indication of a need for medical attention that I did not get it checked out...and if I needed to sleep, I slept. If I needed to take medication, I took it. As for the fear of death....early on this came up a lot, then over time it seemed to not be much of a concern. At the same time I noticed I was doing things in life that I had held back from doing previously because of anxiety, and saying things that I was afraid to say in the past because I felt at risk. It occurred to me at some point that his fear of death was actually a fear of life, after all the fear of death was a fear of what I considered the worst thing that could happen to me, part of the fear of life in the sense that my holding back in life was also a fear of what could happen to me. And now I am not aware of a fear of death of life most of the time, and when it rarely pops up, it doesn't have much reality and does not linger. Also, this identity that seemed so "real" in the past and important appears to be just a vehicle to navigate in life, one that adjusts to what shows up as appropriate to the situations I encounter.

It sounds to me like the looking is doing its work in your case. I suggest you pay close attention to the ways what arises show up i.e. thought forms, feeling states, and sensations and notice that that is all they are, and redirect your attention away from whatever of these forms appear to be irrelevant or of no use and stay in the ongoing conversations with John and the community involved in this movement toward sanity and being fully alive and in touch with life, and it will all work out in the end.

Love.

David

Thank you very much, David. So it seems that many people experience these kind of issues during the recovery - that's comforting. As I understood from your words - the general idea, is to pay more and more attention to the present moment, to casual and ordinary things. I will carry on doing that, and being aware of all those neurotical mechanisms. About those structures, that still come - would it be wise to completely ignore them, and not try to solve them?

 

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