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It is a couple of years now since I wrote on this forum...

Hi John and Carla,

It is a couple of years now since I wrote on this forum; the truth is that I have been through a two year spell when I did not want to do anything at all just sit in the garden and be open to all of it. I sat for hours and never did get bored, which was strange because when I was born they christened me "boredom" ha ha. Before this I used to write songs; well when I started "looking" I had a bout of writing songs which were all for you [which I sent to you] and then it just stopped, I sold all my musical equipment, and even stopped writing verse which I had been writing for forty odd years. I wrote the two a day for my lady, but that was all. I wanted to drop you all a message but it just would not come. I had become the laziest guy alive. But then I decided to join FB because at least then I was doing something!

Then it all changed again, the verse came gushing out like never before and I am singing and playing the guitar, but no longer worrying whether I am good or bad, just playing for the sheer love of it. I am definitely not enlightened [whatever that means] but really guys My life feels so, so sweet. I don't know why this is, in spite of all my mind stuff I was always a kind of happy person [if somewhat anxious] But now I bubble within and I cannot stop singing or cracking little funnies all the time. I cannot stop myself, it is crazy, but I love it. Each day is better than the rest now, and I don't care if I am at home or on some holiday, it is all the same to me, everything and everywhere is good. I am calling my lady darling now and giving her lots of hugs, which was never me, and my daughter who I had always fought with before is now being told nice things, not because I make myself do it, but because these niceties just come out.

One thing that worries me though guys; I thought that as I done the looking that I would want to be with people and be nice to everyone whilst I dropped all those myriad opinions that have always been part of my makeup. I don't hate folk like I used to do, but I don't want to be with them either. Will I keep changing john until all this is gone? I hope so; but even if this is not to be I accept completely that this is just part of my disposition, and so be it.

I am spreading the looking over the net by writing verse about It and you, I have put two of my relatives onto it, when one of them became hopelessly scared and was having gigantic panic attacks. I talked to her and wrote to her and got her through this, by giving her my own story and teaching her to look. She is doing great now although I don't know whether she kept up the looking, I suspect she did so though. And then I found my cousin in the UK on FB who I had not seen for years, and I found out that she has Parkinson's syndrome and she is having to face terrible panic attacks as well as the symptoms of her disease. Well I am still working with her, I know she is most definitely on the looking and after just a few weeks I can feel changes in her. This makes me feel so bloody fantastic, that I could sing to the Universe.

I also dropped a line to the veterans counseling service and told them about what you did for me, but they never did get back to me. By the way John, the only effects I had from the looking, was that spell of doing nothing that I went through, I got no bad experiences, and no beautiful experiences; my life just got sweeter and sweeter, and is still getting sweeter. I went though a period for a while when I thought that I had not been doing the looking properly, because I was having none of those experiences, but I now know this was not the case.

Anyhow John and Carla, I'll just say a big thank you to you both for all your help in transforming my life. And they told me that the type of PTSD that we vets get could not be cured ha ha ha ha ha.

Thank you both again guys, Peter from Perth.

 

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