Just One Look Forum Archives

Hi Everyone

It's been a while since I posted on the forums, but the most recent grassroots podcast inspired me to share my experiences. Although I have not been active on the forums I have continued to check in regularly to read the posts and listen to podcasts. In times of distress and confusion usually a post would show up that helped me gain some clarity around my experiences. Most recently Niklas's 2013 blogpost has been helpful in that his experiences seem to mirror many of my own and I appreciate his ability to communicate his process in a very clear way.

I've been engaged in the act of looking since 2011. The more intense part of the 'recovery' process has seemed to pass, but as Niklas pointed out the recovery is never over. I recently have been experiencing quite a bit of confusion around what direction to take in my life. The default pattern for me is to think that if I was doing this 'right' I would be immune to confusion and if I just contacted a deeper part of myself the truth would shine through and everything would be crystal clear. I can see that this belief is just leftovers of the fear and spiritual conditioning. It's a fear of failure and my experience is that learning comes from being engage with my life, trying things out, taking risks, and learning from my mistakes. I also have come to see that there is no deep place in myself to contact because on investigation I don't sense a difference or separation between an inner self and an outer self. It's all just me. My life is unfolding and I am becoming more intuitive and skillful in my navigation even during confusing and troubled times. To get a more objective viewpoint I asked my two best friends if they've seen changes in me the past few years. They both said I seemed much more comfortable with being myself and I don't get stuck in my personal dramas nearly as often as I used to. This past year has been tumultuous to say the least but I feel that I've been able to roll through it with a bit more gracefulness than in the past.

I guess what keeps me coming back to these forums over and over again is the distress I see and feel in this world. I don't want to discount the acts of kindness and beauty, but from my observation many humans seem pretty neurotic, anxious, and miserable and this saddens me. As much as I sometimes want to run to the desert far away from humanity and live a simple, peaceful existence the reality is that is not how my life is unfolding. I recognize that we are all in this together, and that part of my process is sharing my experiences and this act with others.

I've shared the act of looking with most of my friends and family. A few have tried it, most have shown no interest (which may have to do with my lack of skill around communicating it). It seems to me that the human drama is compelling and addictive and personally I had to come to the end of my rope before I tried this. I hope other people are smarter than I am and don't wait until the desperation gets so intense before they try something so simple. I feel fear and resistance around trying to communicate my experiences to a larger audience. That I haven't gained enough insight or I'm not skillful enough to help other people. But the fact is that the act of looking speaks for itself. I just have to get people to try it. Simple as that.

Thank you everyone for your contributions. I have been paying attention.

With love,

Natalie

It took me years of "inward looking" to notice that there was no where to go! NOTHING I could do to change who I am!

That misery would follow me all of my daze! (Pun intended)

All of the searching for $$ and recognition through things will NEVER cure the idea of YOU that for the most part you "bought"" from other people! THAT gets carried with you everywhere and into every action in your life!

I didn't change my beliefs per say. NOR did I "FIND JESUS" as some may think based on their understanding of my posts in Facebook.

I too find it damnably hard to point clearly at ANYTHING as "THE ANSWER" to say "That's it!".

Because in the end there IS no answer! Nor an end for that matter! Only a deepening awareness of my own presence.

There are many frameworks from which to work with!

What I'm finding us that as I do this work the frame is no longer needed and attempts to define myself are surrendered and found to be futile. Because ideas are transient and come from ME!

I can't say I'm completely FREE from the fear of life. But I CAN say it doesn't completely rule me either!! Most times its just a thought I hear and can ignore. Sometimes things still come up & I get hooked in; but its brief. Stick with this!!