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Thank you for addressing my question at the last meeting.

Hi John,

Thank you for addressing my question at the last meeting. It was helpful as well as it being a fabulous meeting. I just heard it because I couldn't be there for the meeting itself. I just wanted to say that my question about no characteristics wasn't just looking for a definition but came from the fact that although I have been doing the Vichara for a couple of years, sometimes I suddenly don't have a clue how to do it. None of it makes sense. Then I use the process of elimination. Like, I feel my feet on the ground, back against the chair, feeling of loss and frustration etc. then I say, These sensations and feelings are not me because they come and go so what is left... and so on. I use the process of elimination to come upon myself. That's why I asked if me was without characteristics. I don't know why it seems so easy sometimes and so hard other times unless it is because I am seeing everything through the lens of the character or apparatus. However every so often and especially now I get the sense of, Sure I am aware of myself, that is the whole problem in fact! I don't WANT to be aware of myself. I want some kind of oblivion. I don't want to feel the physical pain and the frustration that all comes with it. It is like the sense of me is not separate from the frustration and annoyance that comes up. So what about that? I have never heard anyone say anything about this but it comes up often for me. So I ask myself, What is the point of noticing what is always here when I don't want to be here? The question what is never harmed or helped doesn't apply then because although there is something noticing this which is unaffected, it's not what I have to live with and experience. It's like the noticing unaffected me and the misery are glued together like 2 pieces of very thin paper. This may be too much of a ramble but at least I got it out. Thanks for reading this.


I will post a response to this email here soon, within a week or so. -John


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