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The internal dialogue and its madness... the vanishing one

That inner voice has been there with me for so long I hardly noticed its presence. It is a constant drone of comments about me, on my life, on what should be, on what shouldn't be, on wonderful spiritual matters, always there always singing the same old tune, measuring life in past pains and sorrows and bringing them up again and again with monotonous regularity. Sometimes that voice is friendly and happy and the whole world is full of love and bliss and then suddenly as circumstances dance to a new tune the voice is triggered off into destructive negativity.

Seeing I don't have to listen to that voice has been a great revelation. "Looking" brings it to an abrupt end. That shift away from the voice is the only step we have towards freedom. It's a wily character that's for sure, it sings lovely songs of freedom and love and how marvellous life is but its mind set is woven by circumstances. It is an unreliable bedfellow. Not really worth having there in my head. Life is finer without it... I have come to discover. This petty dictator had complete power over my life and it is astounding to discover life is much better without it, no matter what it is talking about. It's sly and creepy so I watch in looking. Only when in the "looking" can I be there to catch it as it arises, catching that moment to end the chatter. The shift from this element brings direct contact with reality.

I think we have all seen the fatigue that can come from having too intimate a relationship with this voice. It's inner conversations are there to convince you of your worth and give your life meaning and security but it's all a giant hoax, a con. I find it quite amazing at how much I have trusted this voice and never really seen that it has never delivered anything. It can't give me security... it can't protect me from the pains of life, it can't solve my human dilemmas and traumas no matter how many times I turn them over and over in endless dialogues and scenarios with myself. All that is achieved is a dramatic draining away of life energy and a state of utter confusion and hopelessness.

I will never compromise with the inner voice no matter what it says. It is not to be trusted at all, so no pussy footing here! It brings to mind that image of Neo in "The Matrix" where he see's those bullets coming to kill him and he say no... and they stop and fall to the ground. There has to be a deep intention to end this torment once and for all. Time is ever running out. The world hangs on a precarious abyss... who knows how long we have? And my inevitable death is forever there watching and waiting for the day when it'll tap me on the shoulder and say "Time up mate..."

My "warrior spirit" from within has to be summoned and even when I am flat on the floor in desperation I get up and start again, never giving up. It requires courage, determination, intent, patience, resilience... all these qualities anyone can call on. Don't believe for one minute the pathetic stories of your limitations spun by the voice in the head. Strength and power grows as we make a stand and slowly but surely clarity arrives and we start to see the "seeing". Then the voice steps in and says how marvellous I am. I agree and wallow in the praise and adoration I bestow on myself... ahhhhhhh trapped again! But that's OK too. I have to forgive myself, I'm the eternal learner, the eternal idiot staking my claim of freedom. I'm allowed to make mistakes. I learn from my mistakes. Mistakes are good.

I may add here that some of the words I have used have come from quotes written down by Castaneda of Don Juan his Yaki Teacher. I have found them to be very useful and pragmatic in much the same way I found John Sherman's words simple and uncluttered, direct and to the point. But each to his own. Some need embellishments to attract hungry egos into the nets of their demise!

Well I hope I haven't bored anyone too much with my ramblings... I'm just sharing best I can. John was one of the final pushes I needed to break away the hold of that inner voice... I will always be very grateful and my intention here is only to tell you freedom is all yours but you have to bite the bullet and give it shit!

wishing you freedom from the known

Good post Nigel.

This business of the distraction of useless thought forms and the great value of learning to ignore them has been a focus of our attention in this community for some time now.

Our work with this within the community has revealed much about the simplicity and power of cultivating a sane relationship with thought.

The central and most important revelation that has come from this is that there is absolutely nothing we can control other than where we put our attention.

And it turns out that exercising that power to choose what we attend to by deliberately moving our attention from whatever perception has attracted it to any other experience we choose will, over time, greatly enhance the intelligence of our relationship with our lives. It leads to strength and clarity, and a kind of natural discernment in the use of attention, which greatly enhances our ability to be effective and true in the living of our lives.

This community has been working with this insight for some time now, and it is interesting and affirming to see much the same insight appearing in you, someone who has not been a part of the discussion recently.

What if your inner voice after just one look feels ok in being me. Then it is of no concern these ideations of you to me. Whatever you are being, its still and always you--before and after just one look. Except afterwards you are open to be me--who you are always being no matter what. As John has said we are one creature or as said in ancient times--you may be at peace with me. Yes, life goes on--engaged, not a torment after just one look for you and me.

To whom does it feel ok? Is this simply an idea that it's all OK? Maybe thoughts are OK when singing sweet songs to you then it is easy to be attached to the idea all is well... Are they OK when they start to throw bricks at you? Detachment from thought, non identification, is a place where no one is.

Hello Nigel,

No, it has nothing to do with the idea that it's all OK. If you really want to know what it is about, please reread my first response here and the links I directed you to.

If you remain confused about what we are doing here, please send an email to Carla (carlasherman@justonelook.org) and ask her to set up a meeting for us.




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