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Dedication

Hello JOL Community,

In recent days, I feel as though I have entered a period of renewed dedication in the evolution of my work in the looking. The concentrated time with all of you this week has certainly helped!

There is definitely a "muscle memory" of the ways in which I used to react to the events in my life. Often, these days, something will happen and I just wait for the old reaction and nothing is there. It is like, I remember clearly what it was to be crazy in this situation but I can't bring it back! Maybe it's the real meaning of "the snake and the rope" thing.

The looking itself happens more and more without actually sitting down and trying to make it happen. Sitting in a meeting, standing at the hoststand of our restaurant, are just a few examples of places where it just happens.

I am allowing myself to more ahead with dedication. spent 41 years in insanity and that is enough. I have an enthusiasm about this work and my participation in it that I can't ever remember with anything before.

I thank John and Carla for such a wonderful 5-Day Intensive this week and Worldwide Meeting on Saturday. I was also very inspired and grateful to everyone who spoke at these meetings. It was a great five days and it was a privilege to be with all of you.

As I spend this Sunday with my partner and my dogs enjoying my sane relationship with this life, I am so grateful to John and Carla and to all of the community. I wish you all the very, very best.

Love,

Brian

Hi Brian,

I wanted to thank you for this wonderful posting and echo your sentiments about the intensive. It was indeed a wonderful and productive experience!

I really relate to your comments about "muscle memory." That's been my experience also, that my patterns of crazy reaction seem kind of pre-programmed and automatic. I think I'm just beginning to experience what you describe about the crazy reactions not showing up. More frequently though, the crazy reactions show up but I'm aware of them in a way that's different from before. Before, I was either so swept up in the reaction itself that I was totally oblivious to its craziness, or if I did somehow manage to see its craziness I would get that sickening feeling of "Oh god there I go again, I'm never going to get this right." Now it feels like I'm aware of my crazy reactions in a neutral way that doesn't make me want to berate myself, and although I'd still prefer that the craziness not be there there's also a feeling of ok-ness that didn't use to be there, as well as a feeling (which also didn't use to be there) that everything will "be taken care of" as John says.

For me, the "muscle memory" thing applies to the looking also. At first it felt really effortful and hard to do, but these days it feels much easier and almost automatic, almost like my attention is a muscle and has internalized what it is I want it to do, and kind of does it on its own. Neat stuff smily

Love and thanks to you, the community, and John and Carla!

Youngmee

Hi Youngmee.

Thank you for your kind words. Actually what you describe about your experience matches mine very closely. I have to be careful that my enthusiasm does not cause me to rush the recovery process! It would be more accurate to say that "sometimes" I wait and wonder where the old reaction went. Other times, the reaction comes up and I "choose" not to act. Other times, the reaction flies right out! Always now, though, the old giving myself a hard time seems to be over.

The most profound aspect of this work for me is the skillfulness that we spoke about this week. Right now, we are in the process of buying a house (again!). I am noticing that this time, I am being very alert, focussed and sane with the process. This is new and I can attribute it to nothing but the work that we are doing here. This also translates into other practical areas.

Thank you again Youngmee. See you at the next meeting;)

Brian

 

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