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After the turmoil, healing

Hi everyone,

just wanted to check in and share how the looking is going for me these days. For quite a while, I was enveloped in the experience that John often talks about of increased turmoil and misery as an initial result of looking at myself. Looking back it's kind of hard to figure out what it was all about; I don't know that my crazy tendencies necessarily increased, but they were certainly still around in full swing and what did increase was the intensity of my misery, for no reason I could understand.

Well, for reasons that I also don't understand, the storm has died down and what I'm left with is not so much new positive feelings as an absence of the intense misery that used to be there. Which, of course, is wonderful! Lately John has been using the expression "healing the wound" to describe the closing of the gap between me and my life. I find that very much to be my current experience--although the first couple months felt terrible (perhaps the intensification of the fever that has to happen before it breaks?), the changes I'm going through now do feel like a healing process and it's a big relief. Life continues to be hard and uncertain and I continue to experience a huge range of emotions including fear and anxiety, but the misery that was always in the background seems to be decreasing.

So, many thanks to John, Carla, and all of you out there in the community. Hearing and reading about your experiences with the looking has been a huge support and comfort to me.

With love,

Youngmee

 

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