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The Relief

I've been an aspirant for five years, starting with a reading of Eckhart Tolle. I'm thankful to Tolle because he showed me that that there is another possibility. I didn't want to be spiritual; I don't really resonate with spiritualized personalities, but nevertheless I jumped into the foray and read a lot of stuff.

It wasn't all useless--some simple techniques of awareness and releasing did bring about psychological comfort. I started a website to share my experience with others.

But earlier this year I realized that even though I had some relative peace in my life, this was not freedom.

And on a morning walk one day it hit me: the only problem there is, is the feeling of unrightness. The feeling that there is something wrong is the only thing that has ever been wrong.

I understood the problem with clarity. But I had no solution to it.

I went back Ramana and Nisargadutt, but as usual, did not really understand what they were telling me. Even with the clarity of the problem, my head was contaminated with spiritual ideas, and I did not understand the simplicity of their techniques.

That's about when I discovered John and Carla, and they put the last piece of the puzzle in place for me.

I am doing the looking. Very casually, just when I remember to, and it only lasts a few seconds at a time. In the first few days I felt agitation. Then I felt doubt and sense of silliness. And then some clarity and relief. That's about where I am.

What I feel is an enormous relief from the heavy burden of seeking. These five years of seeking, figuring-it-out, three-steps-forward-three-steps-back--I didn't even realize what an enormous burden that was.

I feel the looking has already done its job, and it didn't take very long for me. I was completely ready for the looking. There are positive indications. But I've fooled myself before--so I will continue to look.

Thank you John and Carla, and all the others who share their experience here.


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