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I may be going Homeless soon

Hopefully not, but

my mother is a vengeful person.

Takes everything personally , even though I've proved I have autism through a bonafied psychiatrist.

It's schizotypal autism , according to this well accoladed psychiatrist.

she's totally qualified.

Yet my mother and my family have left me for dead.

I've tried to "fit in" , i've tried to be the good son,

I've tried to be the good family member.

Recently it has come to me that I give people fear,

just by my presence among them.

Just me standing there.

How do you combat that ?

Society doesn't even give you a chance !

Talk about the curse of Fear upon Mankind,

and I'll give you the fear man has of man.

Seems I emanate a quantum field of fear amongst people.

Although I have had several successful relationships.

Not working relationships, as those require much more from you,

as all of you no doubt understand.

I've come to understand, through much hardship,

that there's a "field" of energy that I emit, that puts people "off".

I'm like a walking plague.

I wish this were hyperbole, but this is all too real

unfortunately

Ever heard of the uncanny valley ?

I'm just outside it.

Any of you have a similar experience ?

I think I shall not get many responses in this area.

littleowl77

Any of you have a similar experience ?

I think I shall not get many responses in this area.

I have had a similar experience... of over-analyzing reality, trying to understand my feelings and thoughts and life situations. Maybe you do have that repulsive force field, or maybe it is all in your head. However it is, you will not feel better by thinking about that, on the contrary it seems like the more you think about these things the worse you feel. You can't control the emotions and the thoughts that your mind decides to have, at least not so much. But you have control over what you put your attention to.

I know I had/have one mental sickness and that is "retroactive jealousy". It means that if I ask a romantic partner about her past lovers it is very tempting for me to ask details, recreate the situation in my head and compare myself to the past lover, suffering like if my partner was cheating on me at the present moment and making their life miserable by asking questions endlessly and reacting badly on the answers. One day I decided to overcome the sickness so I read a book about it. In the end I succeeded, to the point my current girlfriend told me I'm the least jealous person she has ever met, and that she is amazed and really likes that quality in me. It's funny... you know how I overcame my jealousy? What the book essentially recommended and what finally worked for me? The solution was... there is no solution, simply avoid asking those stupid questions! Have the will, the discipline to avoid the temptation to ask them, because you know you will end up in hell otherwise.

Discipline.. the conscious effort to act in a way different than that which my emotions and thoughts ask me to do at a given time. That is what helped me in that case, and I am so happy and proud I eliminated those unpleasant situations from my life experience.

John's idea of the power of attention reminded me of that personal conquest in a more general context: just accept you are inside a body/mind that may have broken parts and notice that what is not broken is that you can decide what to put attention to. It is nice that no matter of what we can control that. So there must be things you can put attention to, or not put attention to, that are better for you.

Also I would say that if you think you'll be better homeless, try it. In my experience, sometimes being far away from some people is useful to get better. Theoretically it is not necessary, but in practice it is easier.

I have severe medical complications that would render me dead if I ended up on the street.

Maybe that's the point. I'm already dead, and I'm too stupid to realize it or give up.

 

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