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A new look

Dear John, Carla and community,

I wish to discuss what happened for me last night. First the background. I felt, a while back, and even after speaking with John, that I didn't "get" this. Even the concept that once I'd "looked," I would inevitably come back, didn't speak to me. I have been a "seeker" for decades, and this didn't help, either. What especially got me was the concept that even if I was doing it right, I wouldn't necessarily know.

Then last night, after going to bed, I was reflecting on the looking, and started considering what I was perceiving, my experience of who I am. I thought about the "thoughts" and "feeling" I was having in the moment, and realized, well, of course, they are not me, they come and go; and of course, the room, all my surroundings were not me, obviously. Then I thought, well, my body, with all its attendant sensations and seeming presence, is that me? Well, that is always changing, too; it reacts to "thoughts" and "feelings" and to all the circumstances and events that are outside "me," therefore not me; how could I think then, that it was me?

As I was going through this process, what came to me was that there was this "me" that took this all in, that has always been there taking in everything from the sensations, emotions, reactions, and everything else that occurred in the "not me." This was getting to be quite exciting for (the "not") me, to sense a dawning of comprehension that there was, indeed, this "world" going on around this "me" that wasn't me. A thought or a feeling would come up, and I'd look at it and see, yep, that is "not me."

It was an intense (though quiet) experience for me, and I had more of a description of how it felt last night, but didn't have the energy to get up and write about it then, so this is sort of a delayed written response and not quite as accurate as how it felt in the moment. However, I feel I have an actual and accurate sense of it right now, and can find my way back.

I am not sure what word(s) I would use to describe the "me"; it is that which is silently present to all of the world, all of the "not me," from the "inside" to the "out." I think it does require focus to discern, and therefore why the "practice" of the intunement works in seeing through what I would call the hypnosis of "I"dentification with all that is not, actually, me. Is this making sense?

I am writing to check that I am going in the right direction and that I haven't completely gone off on the wrong track.

Once more, thank you for all that you do, John and Carla, and thanks also to the Forum for being the space where this can be aired.

with best regards,

Marlowe

A new look

A new look

Dear Marlowe,

I will only give you my own opinion, since this is all I`ve got...it feels to me like you`re on the right track. From your description it seems like you found something that is permanent and present in the midst of the things that keep coming and going. And, of course, that is you. It is true what John says, as long as you try, you can`t go wrong and now you`re starting to see that for yourself. The concern that you might be wrong or right is just something that plays out right now, it`s just more of the "not-me" stuff. You will see that for yourself in time. Just keep the looking going.

I`m beginning to see, more and more, for myself, that I am always, always looking at myself, looking at me. I am only seeing myself in every moment, in every bit of life. It`s just that seeing myself is sometimes overshadowed by thinking that I might or should be doing something else.

So, just keep it going as long as it feels like it should be going. If t feels like a practice, keep it as a practice. If it feels like just looking every now and then, just do it like that. It`s all fair game. It will turn into something more and more natural, since it actually is what we are doing all the time, anyway. The genius of John is that he put this in such clear and explicit terms, that he made it almost impossible to miss. It`s you, just you. Whenever there are any doubts, just look to yourself and keep it up. And if you think you`ve made a wrong turn, just look at yourself and keep it up. Enjoy yourself!

 

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