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When will I wake up?

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Mission Enlightenment

Fiona

Hmm…The last few days I have found myself experiencing an eerie sense of calm. I am not accustomed to this blanket of tranquillity that appears to have wrapped itself around me. Is this a permanent state or an aberration I wonder?. When will I wake up....?

The last 2 weeks of my life have probably been among the most stressful I have ever experienced. Yet at this point after 4 weeks of 'looking' the world seems to me to be arranged in a rather more pleasing order which seems aligned with this new found centrality. I feel a sense of detachment from the current stressful situation I find myself in, and I know that I must accept what it brings to me, or indeed what it takes away.... This is all good I think.

Sounds good to me, and very familiar, thanks. When all of my revered habits of protection became unnecessary, I felt "eerie" also, in my own way, and still do sometimes. It is good that I read your report. It is a great reminder of how the looking destroys the need for constant vigilance in the realm of self-improvement, and leaves us with an "eerie sense of calm." Imagine that! Calmness, that feels eerie, or creepy? Sign me up for a a boat-load of problems like this!...smily

"When will I wake up?" is a great question that I nor anyone but you can answer, I think. It made me realize again that all of my personal desire for "awakening" was actually driven by the fear of life, and that John was right when he said that what we really were trying to do was to "go back to sleep." I've come to see for myself that I am about as awake as I am alive, and that learning and growing and understanding become absolute blessings when not infected with the fear of life. I think my personal enlightenment and awakening (coming into light and self-awareness out of the womb) was shocking, to say the least, and left some residue, which became the foundation for my own 48 year long version of "Mission Enlightenment." Thank god that movie has finally ended.

I agree. It is "all good," from my perspective as well. Sometimes the shit hits the fan, like it always has and probably will from time to time, and I hear myself say to myself something like "WTF! this sucks! I hate life!" and then within a few seconds a smirk will curl into my lips and a slight giggle will try to well up, but then I stuff it down and bitch some more, and the giggle hits me even harder and I struggle to remain pissed. Or, if there's a real tragedy, like when my mom got sick and almost died last fall, I found myself immersed in pure grief like I've never felt it before. The only descriptions I can think of to describe this feeling/blessing, sound almost nihilistic or a-moral to me now. It was nothing but intrinsically moral is all I know how to say at this point.

Thanks for being here, and a unique part of this amazing journey!

Mike

Calm invariably follows the storm. trimpi

Mike Helsher

Sounds good to me, and very familiar, thanks. When all of my revered habits of protection became unnecessary, I felt "eerie" also, in my own way, and still do sometimes. It is good that I read your report. It is a great reminder of how the looking destroys the need for constant vigilance in the realm of self-improvement, and leaves us with an "eerie sense of calm." Imagine that! Calmness, that feels eerie, or creepy? Sign me up for a a boat-load of problems like this!...smily

"When will I wake up?" is a great question that I nor anyone but you can answer, I think. It made me realize again that all of my personal desire for "awakening" was actually driven by the fear of life, and that John was right when he said that what we really were trying to do was to "go back to sleep." I've come to see for myself that I am about as awake as I am alive, and that learning and growing and understanding become absolute blessings when not infected with the fear of life. I think my personal enlightenment and awakening (coming into light and self-awareness out of the womb) was shocking, to say the least, and left some residue, which became the foundation for my own 48 year long version of "Mission Enlightenment." Thank god that movie has finally ended.

I agree. It is "all good," from my perspective as well. Sometimes the shit hits the fan, like it always has and probably will from time to time, and I hear myself say to myself something like "WTF! this sucks! I hate life!" and then within a few seconds a smirk will curl into my lips and a slight giggle will try to well up, but then I stuff it down and bitch some more, and the giggle hits me even harder and I struggle to remain pissed. Or, if there's a real tragedy, like when my mom got sick and almost died last fall, I found myself immersed in pure grief like I've never felt it before. The only descriptions I can think of to describe this feeling/blessing, sound almost nihilistic or a-moral to me now. It was nothing but intrinsically moral is all I know how to say at this point.

Thanks for being here, and a unique part of this amazing journey!

Mike

Mike,

thanks for your comments. They are very encouraging.

Joe

Mike Helsher

Sounds good to me, and very familiar, thanks. When all of my revered habits of protection became unnecessary, I felt "eerie" also, in my own way, and still do sometimes. It is good that I read your report. It is a great reminder of how the looking destroys the need for constant vigilance in the realm of self-improvement, and leaves us with an "eerie sense of calm." Imagine that! Calmness, that feels eerie, or creepy? Sign me up for a a boat-load of problems like this!...smily

"When will I wake up?" is a great question that I nor anyone but you can answer, I think. It made me realize again that all of my personal desire for "awakening" was actually driven by the fear of life, and that John was right when he said that what we really were trying to do was to "go back to sleep." I've come to see for myself that I am about as awake as I am alive, and that learning and growing and understanding become absolute blessings when not infected with the fear of life. I think my personal enlightenment and awakening (coming into light and self-awareness out of the womb) was shocking, to say the least, and left some residue, which became the foundation for my own 48 year long version of "Mission Enlightenment." Thank god that movie has finally ended.

I agree. It is "all good," from my perspective as well. Sometimes the shit hits the fan, like it always has and probably will from time to time, and I hear myself say to myself something like "WTF! this sucks! I hate life!" and then within a few seconds a smirk will curl into my lips and a slight giggle will try to well up, but then I stuff it down and bitch some more, and the giggle hits me even harder and I struggle to remain pissed. Or, if there's a real tragedy, like when my mom got sick and almost died last fall, I found myself immersed in pure grief like I've never felt it before. The only descriptions I can think of to describe this feeling/blessing, sound almost nihilistic or a-moral to me now. It was nothing but intrinsically moral is all I know how to say at this point.

Thanks for being here, and a unique part of this amazing journey!

Mike

Hi Mike

Thanks for your comments. I think these will be especially important to those that have arrived here after years of spiritual searching. I love the movie analagy, 48 years is some epic journey, life does seem like this sometimes whether spiritual or not. I have just had another 'shit hitting the fan event' yesterday and found the looking a very important coping strategy. I have included this in Joe Brays Preliminary findings thread because it is an early stage development for me as this is around my 6th week of doing this.

I think?

When will I wake up? could be a Zen Koan.

I like the answer; You will never wake up!

Now what?

Stick around.

Love.

David

Fiona

Hmm…The last few days I have found myself experiencing an eerie sense of calm. I am not accustomed to this blanket of tranquillity that appears to have wrapped itself around me. Is this a permanent state or an aberration I wonder?. When will I wake up?

The last 2 weeks of my life have probably been among the most stressful I have ever experienced. Yet at this point after 4 weeks of 'looking' the world seems to me to be arranged in a rather more pleasing order which seems aligned with this new found centrality. I feel a sense of detachment from the current stressful situation I find myself in, and I know that I must accept what it brings to me, or indeed what it takes away... This is all good I think.

Seems quiet. Too quiet

Hi Fiona

I can relate to your sense of cautiousness towards this "blanket" of tranquility" as you described it. My guess is it won't last because feelings tend to come and go. I had a similar thing happen right after the fever broke. It was like a change in point of view occurred that resulted in it feeling like the sense of me was everywhere. I think someone, on one of John's podcasts, referred to it as a non-localized sense of self. That really resonated with me. Anyway, with that came a sense of trust and safety, the likes of which I had never known. However, it was hard to trust. It was like waiting For the other shoe to drop. But it didn't drop and the looking seemed to, somehow over time, confirm that. It kind of reminded me of that cliche seen in films where people enter a town (maybe this is in westerns?) and one guy says, seems quiet, too quiet. It's not that other, day to day, shoes didn't drop (getting bad news, interpersonal difficulties, problems on the home front etc). But the sense that the really big shoe (I am not quoting Ed Sullivan, God that dates me) would drop seemed to fall away. That has felt liberating for sure.

So I suggest you stay tuned.

Paul

 

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