Before looking at myself, I would have had no idea how to answer such a question. Maybe money and power, so I could do what I really wanted to do? But what then? And what exactly was it that I would really want to do? And what would I get from doing it?
Enlightenment maybe, or knowledge, but what would I expect to get from them? What exactly would they bring to me?
True love? True friendship? A sense of accomplishment? Happiness? But how would I recognize true love, or friendship, or accomplishment, or happiness if I got them?
Sticky question, isn’t it?
Well, not anymore. Not for me. Now I know what it is that I had always really wanted, and it turns out to be pretty much the last thing I would have imagined back then. I see now that all I ever really wanted was to be fully absorbed into my own life. I wanted to lose all sense of distance and protection from its wildness and uncertainty.
A great gift of a human life lies in the possibility of fully understanding the limits of our power to have an effect on its unfolding. In that understanding I taste at last the deep satisfaction that comes to a mind that is free of the fear of life; a mind that is always growing in skill, intelligence, and the self-reliant use of the power of attention; a mind that is fully alive in the effective, intimate engagement with life as it unfolds moment by moment.
I have exactly that now and, in that deep engagement with life, I have found true love and friendship of a nature I could not have imagined previously. I have found the satisfaction of accomplishment that comes from a growing skillfulness in all aspects of my life, from washing the dishes to working to end the fear of life for all humans. And I have learned that it was always the honest satisfaction that comes with work done well that was all I wanted but could not see clearly while smothered in the fog exuded by the fear of life disease.
Don’t get me wrong, I make plenty of mistakes, but I do not deny them or ignore them. I look to understand them and, in so doing, I learn from them. The mistakes themselves serve to increase my skill in whatever I do. I have found that learning itself provides the deepest satisfaction, deeper even than the accomplishment of a task.
So, if you have done the act of looking at yourself that alone can extinguish the fear disease but remain confused as to what to expect of it in the long run, see if you cannot taste a little of what I have written here in the unfolding of your relationship to your own life now. This may help you understand what is happening in your own mind.
The fact that you have found this act is proof that luck is already with you. And if you have read all of this without having done the act yet, you can be sure that you are in the right place. Please hesitate no longer. Go to this page on our website and follow the instructions there. It is free of charge, and very simple. I guarantee you will not regret it.