Just One Look Forum Archives

Everything is slowly falling away. The negative ways, emotions, fears, neurosis. I realized this morning that they took a lifetime to develop and grow complex, so naturally, they are taking a while to unravel. But the structures are definitely unravelling. Went to a crowded party last night and experienced no social anxiety. No fear. I found the noise level to be uncomfortable, didn't dance, etc., but no anxiety or worry about how I came across to others, etc. Didn't necessarily "have fun", its not my scene, but didn't panic or spend hours after evaluating every failed nuance of the evening. Nothing has been added to my life, it's the same old life, but much negativity has disappeared.

Hi Jackx!

I would just like to say thank you for sharing this report! It has given me fresh hope after quite a down spell and doubting the looking.

A sense of something being off and at times crippling social anxiety is what has finally brought me to the practise of looking at myself.

I cannot yet say I have noticed much fear dropping away, although i have started to notice I spend less time thinking of ways to fix myself and analize everything i do in social situations.

One question. How long have you been doing the looking? I started in october last year so im coming upto 6 months.... I am hoping it wont be too long before I started noticing some changes, even if they are very small!

Your post is of great comfort to me.

George (UK)

Hi Jackx

I enjoyed reading your report. I have also found that many negative reactions and neurotic preoccupations have lessened subsequent to the looking. By no means are all of my neurotic loops gone and I am not sure if everything will ever be gone. My experience of all of this is that some psychologically loaded issues with lots of history behind them are still there but often dormant because there is no immediate trigger to bring them to the surface. I have noticed, though, when they are triggered they now come up in a different atmosphere or context and, each time, it is as if a tiny piece of the craziness around it is shaved off. The image that comes to mind is that of watching traditional candlestick making, but watching the film in reverse. Each time the candle comes up, a small layer of wax is gone. Some candles are very large with lots of history and psychological baggage behind them and might remain submerged in the wax forever. Others are loaded and come up almost weekly due to life circumstances and there is distress attached to them for sure but each time they emerge there is a tiny bit less wax on them and less likely to cause a "melt-down". Some of the candles were much smaller to begin with and have completely dissolved. John's suggestion to redirect attention away from the distressing object has a different feel to it now as well. It doesn't feel driven by aversion..it just feels like a choice to place attention elsewhere. No big deal. Many thanks to John and Carla and everyone in this community.

Paul

George,

I replied to this post a week or so ago, but I think I must have deleted it somehow. I'll try again. I'm glad that my report had some meaning to you. All anxiety and fear, not just social anxiety continues to recede steadily. I have had so much anxiety in my life. I feel that it was a huge ball of mortal dread that morphed depending on my situation. If I was at the doctors, I was obsessed with health concerns and might have a panic attack (spiking my blood pressure), if I was in a social situation or speaking in public, I did have panic attacks that made me almost dysfunctional. If I had nothing immediate to worry about, I had a generalized sense of dread and doom. I will say that, through all this awful fear I continued to function and often had this sense that there was something deep inside me that was strong and untouchable, but never had a direct experience of it, as the looking gave me. All this is pretty much gone in the last year and a half since I started looking. In the past, I would have thought that the absence of such intense debilitating fear would have left me joyous and blissful. This doesn't seem to be the case, my life is just plain ( which actually surprises me). I think I have a more mature sense of ease, accomplishment, facility, and occasional merriment (usually at myself) as I take more risks and solve problems with greater facility and clear-headedness than before. If I look closely, there is a continuous hum of satisfaction that was rarely there. My old friend fear comes around occasionally and it's almost interesting to watch it as it hobbles around trying to bluster its way into my life (kinda like when I was running the other day and I heard these dogs chasing me with very fierce barking and growling. I looked for the nearest tree to climb....necessary fear.....but when they crested the hill, it turns out that they were an aging pack of corgis, hobbling along on short legs, yet retaining their throaty, fierce barks)

Stay with the looking is all I can really say. Before the fever really broke for me, or before I really knew it broke, I found that I had a renewed sense of energy for taking care of myself (about 6 months into it). I started running again, returned to a plant based diet, and renewed a Qi Gong practice. I think all these things combined helped to lessen fear and anxiety immensely. I had never before been able to pull off these kinds of constructive life style changes with any consistency and I attribute this to the looking....this is part of the mature, sensibility I was alluding to earlier. I believe healthy food and exercise have a huge impact on emotional well being.....and of course there are many scientific studies to support this.

Take care and let me know how things go.