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I definitely do feel more relaxed and peaceful within when I am more mindful of the 'me' and the 'mind'. I've been practising the looking whenever I feel the need to do so. Often this is when I feel stressed or my mind has a lot of commentary and I have begun 10 minute meditation every day focusing on the breathe. My only issue in life at the moment which causes this peacefulness to become disturbed and my connectedness with 'me' to become distant is my workplace. I am surrounded by idiotic colleagues who are very close to my asshole boss and they all have it in for me. I get pulled for everything (talking, work quality, time keeping) when Im clearly a top earner! they've got me by the short n curlys because I am yet to get the pay rise they all have. I feel like I have to kiss ass and take shit just so I can get my rise, but I will never do that. All this causes my so much stress and anxiety but I feel I cannot deal with the situation In a better less stressful way. Every other part of my life and my relationships with people seem to be getting better except for my work. They are such assholes. Jobs aren't easy to come by so I cant just up and go especially with a big mortgage to pay. There's always been a part inside me that doesn't like injustice and I have always been one who will speak up, often for other people, I just cannot stand by and allow injustice to carry on. My question really is this, do you think my attitude/behaviour is one coming from 'fear of life'? If so, surly one shouldn't allow these assholes to continue their bullying and controlling antics?

You ask if I think your attitude and behavior are coming from the fear life.

It is certain that your attitudes and behaviors in general have been conditioned by the disease, and it will take some time for its influence to completely clear.

Of course, the attitudes and behaviors of your colleagues are also mere symptoms of the conditioning of their own minds by the disease.

It might serve you well to move your attention from speculation about the meaning of all this in you to considering the possibility that they are not truly responsible for their actions. This is not to condone their actions, but to provide you with a more accurate understanding of the situation that might give rise to a more skillful and self-reliant approach to the problem.

You might also reflect on your understanding of both the act of looking and the practice of training your control over the focus of attention.

Neither the act of looking nor the exercise of focused attention are of much therapeutic value. The act of looking does nothing but eradicate the fear of life disease and allow the mind to begin healing. The exercise of focused attention reveals, strengthens, and clarifies your authority over the use of your attention. It is that authority that can bring about the demise of neurotic mental commentary. It can only confuse you to think of it as meditation.

You are doing well, all that's needed now is to sharpen your focus and decline to attend to old ideas about the problems that have brought such misery to you and your mind.

John

For a more developed version of my view on matters like this, you might read this: https://www.justonelook.org/natural/2015/10/whos-to-blame/

Thank you John, this helps, I understand exactly what you are saying.

Much respect

Matt