Just One Look Forum Archives

Again and again complaints about the unwell majority of the human community is expressed in one way or another in this forum. It seems like an air of subtle discontent with the the outside is breathed into many postings. Not that these complaints are not justified, they might as well be, and maybe some I even see as 'complaints' because that's how I interpret them. I'm pretty fed up with the fear of life myself, in me as well as in others - makes little difference really.

My solution, except to go bitch about it in the forums, is to ask everyone to look. John has made it easy for us. I feel reluctant to stay in any sort of relationship for very long if my counterpart has not looked. I ask friends, family, colleagues, lovers, classmates, even first dates and other loose brief acquaintances to look at themselves left and right (anyone if I'm the mood really... I'll ask the pizza guy, no joke). I practice bringing this to others in one way or another every week, be it through writing, talking or whatever. As I do it more I get more effective at it, more tasteful, tactful and elegant at it, making it more fun and trying to reduce the intrusiveness, and to wove it in as a something natural in a normal everyday conversation, and not something magical or evangelical. Every time I do it I learn more about it and get a little bit better.

So I need to ask some other lookers, many of whom are also complaining about the state of humanity.. You guys:

How do you share the looking with others, and who do you share it with?

What is keeping you from working with the looking in others?

How are you planning on working with the looking with others in the future?

What are your experiences of sharing the looking so far?

To me these questions are the most important out of the all confused ponderings my recovering mind is throwing at me.

Do you agree this is not unimportant?

Hi roed!

I think less and less of my own recovery. If I deliberate focus on nuances in my mind I see almost instantly that my mind is far from healed. But I have to stop what I am doing and actively scan myself to take notice of it. Otherwise I function fine on a daily basis and I get my things done more effectively than I thought was possible for me. So my thoughts about the looking and the fear of life is almost exclusively targeted towards others. I am also pretty fed up with the fear of life. It ruins so much. The fear of life has taken my whole family. Anyone that I related to by blod is more or less handicapped by the life long effects of the fear. It is almost impossible to have open and sane relationship with them. When me and my wife got our son a year ago this became even clearer. Either my or my wife's family can uphold a sane and natural relationship with our son. They are there, and at the same time they are not. They cant step out from the fog of fear. And that is really hurtful to see, both for them, myself and for my son. And what is true in my own family is of course true for the big human family. We dont have, for the most part, any real acces to each other because of the fear of life. And this is no theory for me. It is this sadness, that seeing this produces, that most profoundly effects my daily life and the view of this work.

But I am not so effective in sharing the looking I believe. I have found it to be very strange amongst my own family. I really hope that that will change soon. My effort lies mostly in the long run. I have quitted my job and gone back to university. I studie History and Psychology. And that comes from a wish to work with the looking in a more day to day way. I dont know in what form yet, but I feel that there is a direction in the choices I make. But what I do know is that I welcome more conversations of this nature. I am really interested to here and learn more about how the focus outward is developing and is expressed.

Thanks for an inspiring post..

Niklas

I love your approach, Roed_. I'm not as evangelical as you, but I have told a good number of people, 30, about the looking over the last 4 years. I keep track because I like to check in on them over time. I work with kids with learning disabilities and many are on the autism spectrum. I do a lot of stress reduction techniques and throw the looking in whenever I can as a way to 'reduce stress'. I've seen some rather remarkable changes in some kids (I work with elementary age thru late teens) and see many kids who have left our school and visit later doing very well. It's something you sort of recognize, a clearness in the eyes......I can't say the looking is responsible for all the changes, but as John has mentioned, children seem to recover faster than adults.

Most of the people I surround myself with have done the looking and it's been fun to see the changes.....although my wife thinks it's ridiculous, I still see good things happening for her. This thing is so long that we forget and not notice the changes over the years, but it's fun to see people change over time and mark my own changes against theirs.

Thanks for the inspiration.

Well, Roed,

I can understand your fed-upness with the complaining about the human world. I too am sick of it. Yet, being in such a world gives many no choice but to express what's happening to them. Curse of being a member of a race of higher intelligence I guess.

Share the Looking? You can't really. I shared this with 3 people, two were ex lovers of mine and one was an acquaintance. All rejected it in the end, some felt there's nothing real behind the looking. I even showed them the videos of John Sherman.

I might be going homeless real soon, but I trust in John Sherman, I don't think he's lying or trying to get something for nothing.

The Looking is real. I don't know how it will turn out for me, I've seen real results from the looking, but not so much as to not go homeless. But that's ok.

It's not up to John Sherman to save me from the big bad streets of South Florida, where pathology goes hand in hand with economy.

There was more I wanted to say,

but I'm really stressed right now ,

can't remember any of it.

Best Wishes

Oh, I forgot. I also spend pretty much time spredning news about this work on social media. I am netvorking in the area of mental health and share podcasts from Johns blog, newsletters and the like. Thrue the online mental health community's I also, from time to time, share the looking directly with people I come in contact with. It is often people how seems to feel really bad and are reaching out for any help avaliable.

Thanks for the replies guys, it means a lot hearing about your experience relating to this, it really cultivates a wider perspective for me. Very helpful!

I am saddened to hear about your suffering family Niklas, it can't be easy. At least know you are not alone in this! The fact you went back to school interests me - this is exactly what I have done too! I think your long term efforts will do a lot of good and it just dawned on me how we, all of us lookers, really complement each other in this way. I'm convinced that the people you have shared the looking with already has benefited greatly from it just as you and I have and I just can't help the big fat smile right across my face hearing about it nor can I help thinking about what promise the future will hold! Good times

Jackx I also try to follow up and have found that part actually more difficult than sharing the looking itself. Just as you say, I can also recognize the absence of fear in others when sometimes they can't. My feeling is that patience is the name of the game here if I want to get across the importance of self-reliance and how fascinating the recovery process can be. But it's not all patience, there is also skill involved, learning to listen carefully to everyone and speak with them taking into account their particular outlook. I'm interested to know how it works in children who, in my view, often seem so fearless to begin with. Does the fear ever manifest in their actions or speech after the looking?

This last month I have started a new playful way to share the looking. In my bag I now keep large format stickers-notes, the kind with only a strip of glue on top in eye-catching colors and a marker pen. When I move around in public space I write down suggestions to look and then stick them inside of train carts, buses, billboards or other places where I find it suitable (my friend and I were thrown out of a bar once for doing it.. wrong place! LOL). And I think I have seen it working too! This is also a matter of skill; catching someone's attention and making it seem appealing enough so they actually do it.

Haha I have become the social activist I never dared to be before!

Keep up the good work roed. And please keep sharing it. It is is really inspiring!

Hi, Roed, I love the idea of leaving sticky notes in places with the suggestion to look at yourself. I do the same with business cards. We have a business card that says just Just One Look, it's that simple, with the website address underneath and I leave it anywhere I can. I don't know if you're already doing this, but it would be helpful to those who may follow the advice on the sticky note to include:

Free ebook: https://www.justonelook.org/jolmethod.php

Or maybe just: JustOneLook.org

That's so they can find the instructions easily and also find support during the recovery.

Thank you!

roed_

The world is a disastrously difficult place, unless you have a natural penchant for violence and domination,which almost always translates into money, power, and freedom; ironically, in the real world.

1.How do you share the looking with others, and who do you share it with?

A: Generally, you don't. If you're very lucky a loved one will "get it", otherwise I wouldn't bother.

What is keeping you from working with the looking in others?

A: Easy, when you're poor and autistic (like me) everyone with money and who's "normal" would throw a gold brick back in your face if you handed them one,

because that's how low they think of you. Why ? I dunno, that's just how human beings are, generally speaking.

How are you planning on working with the looking with others in the future?

A: Nope. Interacting with people is painful and dangerous enough as it is.

What are your experiences of sharing the looking so far?

A: Nobody cares. Everybody's (at least in America) too busy scrambling around, stabbing their fellow man in the back in order to get money, resources, privileges, status, etc.

Sorry to sound so negative, but in evil environments (most places in America today) you're risking your own life if you be nice to people, or even tell them about yourself. That's the last thing you want to do unless you want to be persecuted, hunted and hounded until you die of a heart attack.

I mean, if you're a man; I can't speak for women. Something tells me though that women have a hell of an easier time in life than men do. Men are the new boogie-man of post-911 America. Every man in this country is potentially guilty of "something".

Good Luck