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I'm very new to this.


I'm very new to this and can't wait to get started. I'm going to watch all the videos so that hopefully I'll know exactly what to do. I have been living with anxiety for many years due to childhood trauma and recently depression because I find life so darn difficult! I live with chronic pain and have a couple of other things that I find difficult to deal with and know I can't change things but hope that by using this method I will at least find acceptance easier and stop the all pervading fear I feel on a daily basis. I only discovered this site a few days ago and it makes so much sense and after years of trying countless therapies and spending more money than I should, I will give this my best shot. Just wanted to introduce myself and hope to be posting again soon.


Welcome to our forum, Bonnie. We are all here to support you on this journey. When a question comes up for you, use the search box and you may find one or many answers already posted. If those posts do not answer your question, feel free to start a new topic.

Thank you Carla. I find that I'm 'looking inwards' many times during the day and for some strange reason, when I feel or become aware of my pain, it's like it's a reminder to look and be aware and then before I know it, I'm less aware of the pain. Hope that makes sense. Very happy with results so far!

Welcome Bonnie! It's sounds like you are willing to give this work a sincere chance. That approach will serve you good and I suspect that you will start seeing positive effects pretty soon. And like Carla said, don't hesitate to post questions and reports of your progress. Good luck!


Thank you Niklas, so nice to be welcomed on board! I will certainly give it a chance and will post my progress.

The whole concept makes sense to me though for a few years I have been reading loads of self help books, especially for anxiety, and one of the things that most books recommended was to keep some of your attention on yourself at all times and if you're feeling particularly stressed, then that's the time to focus fully inward. I have been doing that, especially when meditating so wonder why I haven't seen improvements before now so I suspect that this method is slightly different in some way. I'm still learning all about it and I think one of the YouTube videos explained the difference so I will revisit that.


Hey Bonnie,

I'm Jan from Germany, I'm into the Looking for almost 12 years now. To me, John and Carla's approach is like the holy grail to something really new, so I also am very glad you found this website! Can you quote a short passage that seems to suggest the same as we do here? Since I never found anything anywhere that would make me do the Looking as John and Carla describe it in Step 1 of "The Just One Look Method".

Also: you don't have to keep part of your attention there at all times. Do the Looking from time to time, but then with undivided attention. Just make sure, you're doing it right. Which is simple!

Wish you all the best!


Jan, thank you, you are obviously an expert at this and I am pleased to hear it has worked so well for you. I see what you mean about undivided attention so I will work on that.


Good to see new members posting. Keeps it fresh. I hope you share your progress with this. The practice and life has its up and downs, is basic and to the point. It is also a different experience for everyone it seems. I appreciate the diversity of the posts. Quite helpful and encouraging indeed

I agree in what Jan is saying Bonnie. Methods for working with attention is very common. You find it in modern Psychology and in Meditation and in many other methods and practices. And that is because there is nothing you can do that don't involve attention. You cant make a cup of coffee without the use of attention. Attention has a key function in human consciousness. Attention is the only thing you have that you can control. But until you have looked at yourself (step 1) you are unlikely to be able to take control over your attention due to an almost universal psychosocial condition called the fear of life. When the fear of life disappears, as a result from the first look, you have a much better chance of taking full control of your attention (step 2). So, working with attention without first having done the first look, is a coping strategy and it is very hard to get results that lasts.

Good Luck with your practice

Thank you so much Niklas. You have explained it very well. I feel I'm making progress but I am also prepared for the 'honeymoon period' to end because I am well used to that process. Every time I felt I was making progress with a therapy or self help book I would give myself a mental pat on the back but would then feel that things were going backwards. It was as if I felt I didn't deserve to feel any better and some power in the universe was saying, 'Hey you, who do you think you are; you're not meant to be OK because you don't deserve it. That isn't your path in life.......' and I'd spiral down into fear and sadness again. So ..... I'm really giving this a go. It seems to have very good results with no side effects so what is there to lose!

Thank you again, I appreciate you taking the time to post, it means a lot.


Well said and straight to the point Niklas! I'm really glad Bonnie brought her observation to the forum. Both you and Jan I think really nailed why this Just One Look is different and seems to produce the change we are looking for.

HI all,

I"m quite new to this as well and both open and hopeful. Few things

1. I find when I look at "myself' there is an arising feeling of goodness. If i'm triggered or caught up in a contracted feeling it's bit harder. I"m not sure if I've had that "one look" but it the feeling is expansive and nice.

2. I'm finding it quite a challenge to do the practice and not have errant thoughts cross my consciousness. Is this something that you just get better at over time. I would love to take my attention of my thoughts during the day and have the mind quieter but attention just seems riveted by thought so much of the time. Would love to here from you all. Thanks!

For myself ,I have good Self Directed Attention Days , and sessions where distractions kick in after counting the first few breaths . It has to do with whats going on with my life .I also have had very consistant days , and months of not doing the Self Directed Attention. I had that expansive and nice feeling you spoke about but that was in the beginning. I haven't recaptured that feeling but then that isnt the objective of the Just One Look . The Self Directed Attention exercise seems to carry into my daily life or just even the awareness of my distractions and the realization that this is something I have control of if i wish to.

Thanks for sharing Mischa. Very helpful!

Hi Bonnie and welcome , I think self help material often talks about attention and gives instructions to go within etc etc, it may feel nice for a while but it never helps, the difference with John and Carlas work is that you do the looking with intention to feel what it is to be you! to be human!, which for me is a very faint familiar feeling thats always been there, and thats the difference and thats why it works like nothing else iv ever heard about, even if you cant feel that feeling you have still intended to, and that grows over time and becomes apparant.

Keep us all posted on progress

Thank you Yvonne, you explained it very well. I think we sometimes forget we're human and live in our minds all the time. Things are looking or should I say feeling good just now and I feel I'm moving in the right direction.

Hi Geoff! How's it going?

I'm sure you've had that "one look", the first one. It seems obvious to me that it's impossible to not have it if you are at all serious.

After the first look you need not worry about that. Practicing Self Directed Attention Exercise can then be greatly beneficial. Try it and see for yourself if there is any truth to that. But if it occurs to you, you can at any moment use attention to look at what it feels like to be you, whenever it occurs for you to do so - as a kind of self directed attention exercise too. That used to be the one way for me for many years. I didn't do the self directed attention exercise/observing breath and counting until recently, which Im sure my old mind would've regretted. But 'the looking' has made it very hard for regrets to live in my mind. What I'm saying is, counting breaths regularly In the way described by The Sherman's is from what I can see probably one of the best activities you can do for yourself. And you can also If it occurs to you, use any moment to look at what it feels like to be you.

To answer you second question. Well, over time your mind might be less noisy, but what the looking does is destroying the sense that you are at the mercy of the mind, and that might over time relax some thoughts and feelings. But the felt need for stillness of the mind might also relax and be of not much interest anymore. That's perhaps very different for everybody. Some people might be free of fear and live a satisfactory life and still prefer to meditate all day, I don't know and I wouldn't care. As long as people get rid of the fear of life I'm happy.

Great to hear that Yvonne!

How are you doing now? It's been a while since the last post if I'm not mistaken.


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