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Looking at myself

After reading some of the posts on this forum, it seems like what I wanted to say will be more of a repetition than soemthing new. But I think there might be some value to that. So, here goes.

I have been in search for something for so long I can't even remember the start of it. The search for being a better person, the search for making this life better and more efficient and more peaceful and settled. A search for something I couldn't define... maybe some stillness or some quieting of this whole chaotic crazy horror show that is this life. And I did, I searched with all my energy, with all my devotion. In every conceivable direction, in all possible ways. I felt like being a mouse on a wheel. The funny thing is that at some point I found techniques that could provide me with the experiences I wanted: stillness, peace, joy, love. I just did the process and... voila... stillness... what I found is that even these beautiful, exalted states could not bring me any lasting fulfillment.

At some other point, I came across John's message. And I didn't believe what he was saying at first. I mean, come on! I know theese hocus-pocus techniques that turn the molecules around and you're telling me to just look at myself? No way...

But guess what... all of these hocus-pocus techniques are just that... hocus-pocus techniques. And, in time, I found myself coming back to John's message again and again. And I started to look, thinking... Well, it's really not that much, I can give it some of my time, why not... better to not miss something, who knows...

At the moment of this writing, the looking continues. It has had a most wonderful effect on me. It feels like coming home. I am not what I thought I was. I am not this life, these circumstances and there is nothing wrong with them either. I cannot say what I am. But I am. And it feels satisfying beyond words. I found myself. And the best part of it is that I was never lost in the first place. How funny is that...

I just enjoy looking at myself. It is good. And all else is ok too, even though it's not always easy or comfortable. Thank you, John. That's all I can say. Thank you.

Thank you Dragos... Something very similar is happening to me. Have recently started really following John's pointers. It is working... I just softly return and it appears to click in... so sweet. I am fortunate to have a lot of time to apply this. Thank you and thank you John! Jim.

 

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