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Looking report

Hello,

It's high time I've written something about the looking--in hopes that my message confirms what John and Carla are tirelessly attempting to communicate and also to encourage other people who are looking and may have hit some tough spots.

I've been at it for about 2 years now.

My life has gotten difficult lately and I'm ok with that--not because I choose to be--I just am. I think that I've seen the glaring fact that I am unaffected by any of lives vicissitudes enough times that the belief pattern has simply eroded which has made it possible to relax into the turmoil. I can clearly see that the turmoil, anxiety or anger are just labeling constructs and they actually mean nothing--on a sensate level they feel intense, even overwhelming but without the belief in the accompanying inner audio track they fade very quickly. None of this has anything to do with me--it happens on its own. I never choose to relax or "see through" this stuff. The looking does its thing in a magical way.

I feel and see everything that comes through me in a much more intensified way now--I have no choice in this. All I can do is look and though my attention seems to have a stronger relationship with patterns that in the past I've identified as negative or troublesome I can sense that the days these patterns hold my interest are numbered and knowing that at such a core level brings me to a place of almost feeling endeared to these old habits as if they are gone already and I miss them, they never hurt me. It was just a misunderstanding--play fighting.

As these habits lose momentum the looking is revealing itself to be what I am--the 'old me' was just a story, a certain perspective and stance, some opinions, physical sensations, these all used to be the 'axis' of my existence--now they just seem to be the beautiful and intense show that I am.

Thank you John and Carla.

Richard

"And if you listen very hard,

the tune will come to you at last,

when all are one and one is all, yeah

to be a rock and not to roll"

Zeppelin

Thank you Richard. Your report is just what I needed to read today. I have been looking for a few months, and I am slogging through a spell of difficulty. It gives me such hope and clarity to read your experience. It clears some cobwebs as I look too. Thank you so much for sharing, it is a blessing.

Best,

Dawn

Hi, Dawn.

Thanks for your reply--and it's been a gift to read some of these posts and I'm happy mine fits in with your "looking" process.

Another funny thing about the looking is that for awhile I really wanted to see changes, wanted to be free from irritation, bad moods, neurosis, suffering... All that stuff. Now I could care less. Sometimes I hope it takes another 3 years. Wouldn't matter a bit--there is no going back and it's just so beautiful to watch this life happening.

Also , as a process, the "looking" makes me think of ice melting under heat. It often takes some time for the heat to have an effect, to penetrate, and the process may even go unnoticed for awhile but at some point the overwhelming "critical mass" inevitability of the situation becomes clear.

May we all be standing in puddles for 2012.

Richard

Richard, I really like your response to Dawn. I started with the big dog in Nov. 2007 at the retreat which later became his book and would gladly wish for another 5 years of "getting well." John

 

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