Just One Look Forum Archives

I think for some of us the fear is a bigger deal than for others. For those of us who not only were terrorized by being born, but then were subsequently terrorized by ongoing neglectful and abusive childhood experiences, the fear looms much larger. In my own experience so far, the fear is lingering. I am experiencing a more difficult time of recovery now than when I first started the looking.

But there are also moments when I feel a "disconnect" when there are painful feelings present. It's as if I'm starting to see me on the one hand, and the painful feelings as something passing by on the other hand. I am starting to see, little by little, that I am not those painful feelings. Is this a normal part of the process? Or is this more of holding life at arm's length?

Anyway, the going is rough on some days. If anyone can assure me that all is well despite the difficulties, I would appreciate it. Strangely enough, I have had the strong feeling that all IS well several times in the past several days.

Blessings to all,

Jenny

Just stick with the act, it works, you're in good hands listening to john sherman. As far as the experiences go, many things will happen, have happened. It's not a concern of yours in this particular work, it's a concern for your life. Just look at you and all will come good You'll see.

I Hope this is of some consolation,

Tys

Thanks, Tys. Yes, I am just continuing with the looking. And just seeing that I'm here - whatever else comes and goes, I'm here. I've been listening to John's talks a lot the past week - the need for that comes and goes - and when he says to just see that I am here, undeniably here - that really helps. Just noticing my presence - me - helps me see the pain and fear for what it is - just some passing experience of no real importance. Thanks for your encouragement!

Jenny

Hello, Jenny! Don`t worry about it too much, things will be alright. Actually, don`t worry if you can and worry if you can`t help it. What can you do, this is the way the personality will express itself. Just keep at it, John is absolutely right, all will be ok in the end. Just keep at it, you will be surpised of what will happen.

My experience was one of being fearful not only of life, but also of others. Being a sensitive person, I picked other people`s negative emotions very easily. I told John about that at some point. He told me to just keep at it and so I did. These days it`s a big surprise for me the way things evolved. I still pick up on other people`s junk, but that`s just as it is, like John says, we`re all in this together. I feel it and just look at all that stuff and say...go figure, how much crap we can drag around...but it`s fine, it doesn`t bother me anymore. In fact, I`m looking at that as if it were a badly-trained pet...and I am always here. I keep looking at myself and I am just here, never missing. Just keep at it and you will be profoundly amazed. Take care, Dragos

Yeah, thanks Dragos! It helps to remember that the personality is conditioned to be fearful, and that it's not me. The conditioning happened for good reason, the world and people seemed very scary to me as a kid. And that fear became the undercurrent that popped it's head up in the form of all the personality quirks that became conditioned modes of operation. So patience, as John says, and reminding myself that it's not my fault really helps, and seeing the conditioning for what it is really helps. And I'll just keep on looking!

Jenny

and the beauty is that the thought to keep on looking just happens all by itself...

Jenny,

All of what you're saying is true for most of us but not expressed. It takes lot's of courage and desire to become real and find out that life isn't all that big a deal but, at the same time, an inexpressably vibrant and alive energy that is always here in everything without any singualr effort. To be able to sit back, enjoy yourself/your life and let go of the contracted, tense, actually physical nervousness that is completely unnecessary is to come back to your very O.K ness. It has always been there but we forget about it and it becomes like a muscle that hasn't been used and we've stopped feeling it. This sense of fear that we all seem to believe in isnt' necessary. Life truly isn't threatening moment to moment but can seem like it when your imagination kicks in and over rides reality. Looking at yourself means becoming aware of your capabilitiy of focussing your attention and it's very doable and not all that hard. Keep on working your awarenss muscles and you'll get back to your own sweet sense of yourself...Pam

Thanks Pam and David. I'm learning how life is taking care of itself, the looking is taking care of itself, and the recovery from the tension/fear of life is taking care of itself. And that feels really good to really start seeing this. I'm starting to relax, and that feels good too. The relaxing is taking care of itself too! This feels good! — Jenny